"That's sick bruv!" Words that make sense in context.

In good old London Town, my former students would tell me that things were "sick", "hype" and "hectic". In New York City, kids would use the words "ill", "dope" and "tight". In the OED, most of these words have negative connotations-I mean when was the word "tight" ever used in a positive manner in formal English? I've been sat here for 13 seconds and the only example I can think of is when someone is checking your parachute harness.

Out here, I honestly have no concept of slang. A teacher tried teaching me some today. It was funny, me trying to speak Creole Slang. To give you a bit more perspective on this, Seychellois Creole evolved from 17th century French. Imagine if a group of plantation workers developed a language based on 17th century English? What on earth would it sound like. The answer is Patois. And as you know, Patois is not exactly easy to pick up! "Wagwan B" and "Sick ting" are a couple of phrases that come to mind, beyond that I'm pretty lost.

Anyhow, back on topic. 2 weeks ago, a bug hit our island. Half the students fell ill and had the symptoms of food poisoning. This soon spread to staff. Without going into too much detail, I had a bad stomach for 2 weeks! It ended fairly promptly last week, having sampled a large quantity of Mr B's homebrew. The brewer of the infamous Ti-Shot claims that his new rum is 45% Vol, but I'm pretty sure I could run my car with it. It cleared the stomach bug as good as Unicum.


RANDOM TRIVIA: Unicum, (great name) is the national drink of Hungary. It usually exceeds the 40% advertised on the side of the bottle. During World War I, it was used as a medicinal disinfectant. Basically it tastes and smells of Dettol. It's guaranteed to kill germs and clears you right up. It also clears your memory; you will have little recollection of the night before.

As I got over that bout of sickness, another bout of sickness set in. The worst kind which has no cure. Homesickness. Symptoms included staring into space at times and listening to retro 90's tunes in my free periods. Artists included All Saints, TLC, Oasis, Texas, Catatonia, Travis, Coldplay, Blur, LL Cool J, Dr Dre, Chemical Brothers, Black Eyed Peas and a whole host of  Cantopop from my HK days. Here's a classic song you won't be able to get out of your head. FLASHBACK TIME:




Whilst listening to songs from the 90's I looked back at old Facebook photo's from our school years. Some of these photo's are more than 10 years old!

Check out the disgusting decor of this Weatherspoons pub in Wakefield. It was called Six Chimneys, we only went there because it was cheap. This is the only time you will catch me wearing sunglasses indoors. Wearing sunglasses indoors or on the tube is for chumps. I learnt that at 18 years old on the mean streets of WF1. Some mature adults in E17 (shout out to flo's neighbourhood) and NW2 still haven't learnt.



At night we would sing Karaoke at a bar next to the place below called Bar Latino. In the mornings however, we would go to Breakfast club. Breakfast club involved a bunch of testosterone-filled guys going into a Turkish cafe and eating at least 2 of each of the following: Sausages, Bacon, Eggs, Black Pudding, Tomatoes, Beans, Toast. The hardcore amongst us would eat a triple breakfast. Yes that's 3 of each of the above. This photo was taken at the last ever breakfast club. It turned out that Rey, the guy who ran the Diner owed some people a shed load of money so he mysteriously "disappeared".  This is a true story, you can't make this stuff up! It suddenly occurs to me now, that we missed out on nicknaming him Rey Mysterio Snr (WWF).
 


Wakefield is a funny old place, there are lots of charity shops with many a bargain to be had. Take this armchair for example. The biggest mistake they made was putting wheels on this bad boy. A friend rode it all the way back from the Charity shop. It made it into our sixth form common room and for many reasons it was quite a memorable piece of furniture.


We used to get the train to school from Doncaster to Wakefield. Back then it seemed like the longest journey ever. It was actually only 25 mins or so. But the things we would get upto in 25 mins were ridiculous! Some people managed to get through an entire copy of Heat magazine. That was when Heat was released on a Tuesday and cost £1.20. Nowadays, we travel 40 mins just to get across London and all we get to read is the Metro (This is pretty much the same as Heat to be fair). Seriously though, if you're reading this and you also read Heat more than once a decade, then you're probably in the wrong place. P.S. If you like gossip- Yes I had blonde highlights, my suit was from Topman and pretty much every guy in school had a crush on the girl in the middle of the photo.



If I were stuck on a desert island, I could have worse company than these fine folk:


Indeed, I am stuck on a desert island, so here's more photo's of us at the grand old age of 18:

Hockey Tour, Sydner 2003.



The photo above was taken opposite six chimneys, that's the pub in the first photo. TBH if you've made it this far down the blog, you're doing pretty well. I'm only writing this as a cure for homesickness! This is A2 results day. My maths is bad at 1.20am, but I'd estimate that between these 8 scholars, there are at least 25 A-grades. That's when A-Levels were still relatively difficult and we couldn't resit our papers 3 times. Most of us were addicted to 2 things: Studying and Partying. Talking of which, here's another flashback for you all:



We used to play cricket in the playground. With a full slip cordon. Some people took it more seriously than others!


I honestly thought this was one of the best photo's that I ever took as a kid, but now I've grown up I still think it's a pretty awesome photo!


There were some real classics and as the lyric goes "Those were the best days of my life."

I don't know if my homesickness is cured. All I know is that life on an island is far from all joy. Just yesterday a ship dropped it's anchor on the fibre optic line from Tanzania. The Internet went down for an entire country, so did the SMS and Blackberry network. They soon got us up and running via Satellite link. But the speed was rivalling only 28.8k modem speeds.

For those of you born after 1990, you're about to hear to one of the most iconic sounds of our youth.



I'm sure that brought a flashback to a few readers.

Droughts, power cuts and Internet cuts aren't too bad though. It just means you have to adapt in all areas of life. Today I had no Internet in my classroom and so I taught my Year 3's how to use custom Brushes in GIMP/Photoshop. Yeah, they're only 7 years old, but they're just getting ahead of the game!



If you've got time to kill, then why not listen to this too...


Thanks for reminiscing with me on this superlong blog post!

Things we take for granted

People often look at the photo's on here and on facebook and comment on the paradisiacal nature of Seychelles. Whilst it is true there are elements of Seychelles which are paradisiacal, I can tell you one thing for free; Paradise does not exist.

Dr G, Lady P and Vivvy in the water at L'archipel/Anse Gouvernment

In the UK, we take for granted that when we turn on the taps, water will come out. We take for granted that when we turn on a light switch, the room will be illuminated. The taps out here are like a lottery. Except for the occasions or weeks where there has been little or no rain. At these times, you're guaranteed drought!

A wise lady, Mrs H once commented that, "Even if I left my school in London, I won't get rid of challenges altogether, I will simply have new challenges." Another good friend HP (no, not the sauce- but a rather successful Oxford/Harvard graduate) once said, "The grass is never greener on the other side, it's just different". When I told him about how jealous I was that he gets to fly to Spain and Dubai at the drop of a hat, he said "Listen Willy, Microsoft Excel looks exactly the same whether you're sat in Dubai or Baker Street!". He was right on both accounts.

Indeed, the grass is not greener in Seychelles, it is just very different. There are lots of beaches, beautiful walks and amazing people who are polite and always willing to chat. However, there are some nagging issues such as the variety of vegetables on offer. All veg is imported, so in any given week/month, you could be eating the same veg over and over (namely tomatoes, aubergine, green beans and cucumber). That is of course if there's any veg at all in the supermarkets. Water can be a problem when there is no rain and humidity is not your best friend either if you have to wear long trousers at your local restaurant. On the brighter side, just this Thursday a colleague handed me an 8kg bag of starfruit. They were really fresh and juicy (succulent is the word you're looking for dear). Then today, our local fisherman "Big Alex" cooked us dinner-Octopus Curry and Ray Curry. Shame I can't wash the dishes he gave us as there's no water right now!

And yes, whilst it is true that this is one of the most beautiful places in the world, it doesn't mean you don't have to work. I still have planning and marking to do and network issues still need troubleshooting everyday. I no longer need to wait 2 weeks and 20 e-mails later to get fonts installed on our school system, but I do have to go around each machine manually to install them. In a way it's empowering, in another way it can be a little draining.

Emotionally, it's also not easy out here, especially if your loved one is not here or if you're single. It's hard when there are couples around and you see them having fun and sharing intimate moments. Given that this is one of the top honeymoon destinations in the world, we see a lot of couples, too many in fact. You wan't to tell them to "get a room" and then you realise that actually you're in their hotel pool and they are paying anywhere between £200-£6000 a night, so I guess we can't really complain! But it is at times like these when you crave intimacy and your loved ones from back home. Your wife, your girlfirend, boyfriend, mum or dad. Thank goodness for Skype! But Skype cannot cure the emotional rollercoaster that "Ellie L" once described... Out here, you can find yourself really high and hyper or really low with nowhere to go and no one to turn to. Sometimes it gets lonely, other times you wish you could break away. Thankfully, a good night's sleep usually washes away most of the stresses from the day before. We have a relatively good network out here. Our line manager Dr G is always asking how we're doing and Captain M always puts us at ease.

So is this paradise...no, it's just a different place. It has its pro's and it has its con's. I hope to keep sharing these with you.

For now, here's one of the things keeping me happy-Photography:

BBQ fish-Creole style

 Tribute to MJ

Girls vs Boys is a big feature in all games both on the beach and in school.

Chilling at the Coco De Mer Hotel

Life's a game. You have to play to win!

Playing with frames:

The rope series:

 

 "E, Mrs H, Boatwain M and Ellie L" - reflecting on their day off.

More rope:

Coming Correct

Today was a very good day. For those of you who live life literally (I'm not sure there is any other way), 12am is the start of a new day. Being in Seychelles where it's hot and sunny for 12 hours a day and where the sun sets before 7pm, you're guaranteed to have a messed up body clock for the first few weeks. It doesn't help that the Internet is only free between 11pm and 6am.

Our neighbours hosted dinner club yesterdy. Boatswain M somehow managed to cook 10kg of chicken in 30 mins-an impressive feat. The desserts were also delicious! Captain M then kindly informed us that he was hosting the next dinner club, but the theme was "cabaret". I had images of us all having to dress up in fishnets and corsets like we did back at Marley. Thankfully, all we had to do was a 1-minute performance of sorts.

Photographer in residence, Dr Sanghvi already anticipated that I'd do a few multimedia things, but I'd been keen to write some spoken word poetry for some time now. So I got in bed with pen and paper at around 12.30am and penned a few stanzas. When it flows, you can't stop it as Gilbert would say:






But you'll have to wait for a later blog post to hear the final piece. Afterall, how else am I going to keep up my loyal readership figures (now at 6 readers-brap!)

The day got better when two items of post arrived. One was a tool for refilling a toner cartridge, pretty boring post and the supplier also assumed that we don't use UK plugs in Seychelles so they shipped it with an EU plug. Needless to say, they assumed wrong and I'll be leaving neutral feedback on ebay! The second item of post was from my long-time mentor, top 10 inspirational person and professional mother-Mrs H. She packed some rare treats and quite coincidentally, we'd both been thinking of each other as I'd only sent a letter to her 10 days ago.

I will try to recreate the moment of delight when I saw this item in the box of goodies:

Three things to note: 

1) That's Starbucks chai right there.The tastiest drink known to mankind (eventhough my dentist would not approve!).

2) Gosh I look like a minger after bboy class.

3) I've managed to recreate half the amount of joy that I genuinely had when I opened said package.

The package also included Dental floss, insect repellant and sea sickness tablets along with a handwritten note. Now that's what we call "coming correct". In case you're confused with the aforementioned term, the following are examples of not "coming correct":

• Arriving to a party empty-handed
• Tagging a photo of someone when they were clearly slipping/unprepared for the kodak moment
• Going to the toilet just before the bill arrives, knowing that your guest will pick up the bill
• Cancelling on someone who clearly put you in their diary (simply because you got a better offer)
• Being late
• Not doing your ICT homework
• Downloading a film / reading a book and then proceeding to tell everyone the entire storyline
• Re-applying make-up or hairgel in school
• Not washing
• Rudeness to strangers
• Wastefullness 
• Borrowing something and then not returning it. I once let someone borrow a prestigious bboy DVD. He had it for so long it'd integrated into their collection. I had to ask to "borrow" it back. I clearly broke the rule and never returned my own property in the end!
• Following celebrity gossip/fashion trends for more than 1 hour a week
• Taking more than an hour to get ready-an exception can be made for weddings. Actually, just your own wedding.
• Boasting about how much of a don you are. Even if you are Don Corleone himself, you should never let others know about your undisputed greatness. That is unless you're Ronnie O' Sullivan, Bboy Domkey, Lionel Messi, Paul Scholes, Michael Jordan, Nadia Comaneci, JK Rowling, Yayoi Kusama, Suki Chan, Lily Lau, Jesus Christ or Ghandi. Note to self, none of these people actually boast about how good they are eventhough they are some of the best in their fields. The only exception being my mum, but she's allowed to boast simply because she is actually one of the most awesome people on the planet!

To further exemplify the term "coming correct", I refer to my arrival at my humble abode this evening. This is what I found.

 

Dr Sanghvi and his newlywed wife (on the morning of their departure) somehow managed to do the laundry, wash their sheets and hang them outside. I'm pretty sure they also did another spring clean around the house before they left as it's pretty spotless. That's another example of "coming correct". The beautiful couple have been an absolute delight to have around, Mrs Sanghvi has been treating us to traditional Jain cuisine every night, which has been a treat. It also makes a pleasant change from fish with root vegetables! 

In addition to bringing us many items from the SUPPLIES list, Dr Dizzle Bhai also came in and did the school photo's. I couldn't have asked for more from my guests. 

They were considerate, chirpy and helpful (cleaning the house and what not)-on the odd occasion this last attribute provided a little discomfort and embarassment as I felt like a bit of a tramp. But of course I was ultimately grateful! The freelance photographers also left me copies of all their photo's from Seychelles along with a few hundred Gb of films (which they had backed up from their 150 DVD collection back home). Such generosity probably deserves a post of its own.

Having such amazing friends gave me the idea to ask all of my future visitors to do a guest blogpost, rather than signing a guestbook. Guestbooks are a bit lame (unless they're for weddings) and they're generally a waste of paper. Everyone writes pretty much the "same old" and it's usually because they feel obliged to. Hopefully the Sanghvi's will have some interesting insights; such as how to keep ants off your food, what to do in Seychelles on a rainy day, how to get a free ride when you've missed the bus etc etc.

The image above showcases Indian ingenuity. Dr Dizzle Bhai informed us that this homemade contraption can be used to keep sweets, fruit or any food out in the open without ants getting to them. They usually eat right through wrappers and even get into jam jars! The bottom plate is filled with water. The top platform, which should be as large as possible sits on top of a cup or other suitably-stable plinth. Ants will not traverse the water and so they can't climb up to get to the top plate. Voila. That's genius for you right there!

I'll leave you with a few hots from the past few days with the Sanghvi's. 

Local kids showing us how it's done

Me about to get a few hundred newtons of shock on my legs, bum and groin. Showing the locals how it's not done!

 Mrs Sanghvi, diving like a pro.

I'm sure they'll also be updating his blog in the next few weeks. Check back soon: http://www.capturethesoul.co.uk/blog.html